The Wacky World of Dating Sites

I may have a few words to add here...

First - to Terry - Good Luck with your search. I believe that you will find someone - eventually. You may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Princess.

I am currently married, to a wonderful woman that I met through one of the internet dating sites (Match . com). I had signed up with about two sites, and put up a profile - just to see what was out there. Not much locally.

Occasionally, I would spring for a months' membership, just to be able to send messages to the ladies that were on the site. The problem then was that many of them weren't members, and so couldn't respond (unless I gave them my private e-mail - which I did in a few cases).

I sent out many many e-mails... "You look like a nice woman - I would like to get to know you - etc." I got very few - if any replies.

One advantage that I found early on was being able to 'filter' out various features that I didn't want in a potential girlfriend. Most of the time, a woman's body-size was not a factor - not to me. It seems that women focus too much on their body-size, feeling inadequate if they are not shaped like a model or look like a famous movie star. This - to me - was low on my priorities. (Evidenced by my "... breathing, a must..." line that my wife chuckled about when she read it in my profile)

What was more important to me was non-smoker, age-appropriate (not someone half my age - although initially it seems like a good idea, there would be very little in common), height (which may sound shallow, but I was married to a woman who was 5'2", and this meant having shelves and other items in the home placed low enough for her to reach - or she needed a step-stool - plus, I noticed that women specified men taller than themselves, too), and other things.

Once I added the 'within 5 years younger than myself' and limited the distance to within 30 to 50 miles... this pretty much narrowed the selection of available women down to about 50 or 60 choices.

From that, I learned early on, to eliminate anyone who didn't post a photo of themselves. I figured that if they were serious, that they would take the time to... 1) take a recent photo, and 2) take the time to learn how to post that with their profile. (Although I also learned early on that when they posted photos, some tended to post photos from High School or Glamour Shots - which does not help to show what they currently look like.)

This dropped the number a bit more, usually down to a more manageable 20 to 30 choices.

Now, someone told me once that they had worked for one of these dating sites. They told me that many of the profiles posted are bogus, and meant to make it look like the dating site has more available applicants than they really have. I truly believe this, as I saw some pretty unbelievable profiles, and they were always there - looking. If these women were real, they wouldn't be around very long, as some eligible Superman would've swooped down and snatched them up in his muscular arms.

So, I am left with about 10 to 15 choices that may meet my criteria, and were real.

Of those, I would say that very few took the time to reply, or show interest (some of those may not have been real).

Of those that showed interest, I believe that I was able to set up meetings with about 5 or 6. Keep in mind that this did not happen in a weeks' time, but may have taken 2 or 3 weeks - or more - to work through.

Meeting a woman is not that difficult - IF - you keep it informal for the first meeting. I always chose a local coffee shop where we could sit and talk, and order a meal if we chose to. Nothing fancy, just well lit, and among other people. I wanted to be able to scream or run, if she turned psycho on me, and I wanted other people around to help hold her until the police got there - if necessary. Hey! some women can be scary!

I believe that it is possible to meet the right woman through internet dating, but I am not so sure that it will happen using 'free' dating sites. My wifes' sister used one of those. She finally met a man, and married him, but I'm not sure that he is the right one for her. She is massively overweight, and instead of encouraging her to lose the weight, he is insecure about IF she lost the weight, he feels that she would leave him (he is also overweight). So, they both waddle around, huffing and puffing, and not in the best of health. Some of the men that she met through this free dating site were worse, and bordered on the Norman Bates types.

I figure that if someone is serious about internet dating, they will be willing to pay for it (the internet dating site - not the sex - you goofs!).

Now, I must say that I broke one of my 'rules' about choosing who to reply to. My wife did not have a photo with her profile. I don't know why, but my one month was running out, so I decided to take a look at all possibilities - even those who had not posted a photo. I saw her profile, and sent her an e-mail. She replied. We started typing at first, and then I gave her my phone number and asked her to call - which I usually didn't do - so that we could talk. (I told her that if she didn't want her number to show up on my caller ID, she could use the *68 feature that blocked the number)

She phoned (didn't use the *68, either), and we talked. It turned out that we lived only 4 homes apart in the trailer park that I live in. We went for a walk one evening, and from there went out together. I think it turned out really well... we got married a bit over a year later, and are still together 6 years later.

I guess the bottom line is that you CAN find someone through internet dating, but you have to be patient, and willing to meet a lot of potential candidates before you meet 'the one'.

It also helps to have a positive attitude. Not only about the other person, but about yourself (I think I saw some negativity in your OP). If you always put yourself down, talk negatively about yourself, etc. this is not good. Being positive helps a lot! Of course... you don't want to go overboard, and be conceited, either.

Terry - another thought for you regarding your photo - it is a good photo... but could be a lot better! You're a handsome dude! Retake another photo. Do no use the mirror. Try to have a friend at work, or someone you know, take your photo for you. (Obviously, someone that you trust to not take your phone and run.) Before they snap the photo, think of a funny joke, or video that you saw that makes you laugh, or smile. The idea is to relax! Don't be serious, you aren't applying for Bethel, ya know. (<-- small joke) Your photo can be the 'bait' that gets you that first meeting with the woman of your dreams. Make it the best photo that you can.

Regards,

Jim TX

Jim_TX --- I always feel blessed to read your posts.  Genuine, honest and wise.  What more can I say? 

I should have added a disclaimer to my post ----  because of my personal history growing up, I am easily creeped out.  There is nothing wrong with internet dating services.  It's like RL,, be careful, don't trust too soon, etc. etc.  Sorry for putting a negative spin out there,,, it's MY issues, and because of them, internet dating is not for me,,, but I do think it can be a good thing.

Terry --- I hope that you meet up with a partner who just 'clicks'  --- chances are good, and all the best! 

xo

tal

JimTX:

Thanks for explaining exactly what somebody has to go through on these dating sites and I am glad it worked out for you.  From what you said, a person has to really be interested and not half-hearted at all.  I also heard what you said that many profiles posted are bogus and just placed there to draw people in.  How sad if some poor guy became infatuated with a fake profile!  I give you and every other eager person a lot of credit for your patience which I do not have.  It certainly does seem to be time-consuming and even time-wasting if somebody comes up empty-handed after all that effort.  At the very least, somebody would become an "expert" in this sort of thing.  Good luck to everybody because it is not for me.

Love everybody's posts and pictures.  Who knows?  Maybe this place will serve as a de-facto dating site for some.

"You had a "typo" Quentin; shouldn't that read "creaky" bottoms"......Terry...

Heh, heh, heh...you are a little devil, aren't you......Ladies Terry is charming and very witty...

I did several years ago post that picture along with a short profile similar to the one used here to see what response I'd get, one of those why the hell not moments. I got five or six quires [ it was a local area site ] was recognized by the last one to respond with; "did your wife die, or leave you?" That was embarrassing, didn't respond to anyone, especially the last one....just something goofy I did.

Dating sites are a good way to maintain a social life, as well as meeting someone with whom you may wish to develop a relationship. Jim_Tx gave an excellent example of the process. If I were single, as Terry is, I'd be doing the same thing. I think too, men should be as cautious as women weather using a dating site, or any other social medium, take it slow and easy. There are some very toxic people out there. Worst thing to do is be impulsive. I agree with what other's have said about personality being important. Deploy your antenna properly you'll know when things click.

Thank you, Quentin. It looks like you touched up my photo, Lol... (FHN)

A little, enjoy tinkering with photos. My favorite thing to do is take a persons photo and blend it into another picture, like the one below. Thus my comment to Terry: "another photo to torture you with".

RussianCupid.com

I have it on excellent authority that none of these girls are gold-digging witches...

But, are they copper-digging witches? Bacause at any given time that's all I have in my pockets, a few coppers... 

Terry - another thought for you regarding your photo - it is a good photo... but could be a lot better! You're a handsome dude! Retake another photo. Do no use the mirror. Try to have a friend at work, or someone you know, take your photo for you.

I have a problem. I am the least photogenic person on the planet. The camera does not love me.

When I "try" to look warm and friendly I look like Charlie Manson sharpening his knife.

That's why I did the bathroom mirror thingy. I could SEE what my expression was and capture it before the Manson family showed up to claim me.

Unless the light is absolutely perfect I look like the tread on a snowmobile!

But, thanks for the tips, Jim.

I've dated 4 ladies so far. No rejections from them. I am interested in the last one.

We went to an Italian restaurant last week and had a lot of fun.  Tonight she wanted to pay for us to go to an upscale restaurant called Glorias.

But, I woke up with a scratchy throat and sniffles.  Damn!!

We shall see what transpires.....

But, are they copper-digging witches?

Maybe, Quentin, maybe...it just occurred to me that Baba Yaga was Russian...it always scared me as a kid that she had this little witch-cabin that stood on chicken legs and would circle round and round for security purposes while she was out riding her broom and casting spells.

The spells and flying broom were OK, but that hut on chicken legs was SCARY.

and speaking of "Baba Yaga"....  

DANA NETHERTON...

There is a "tutorial" in the "Technical Section" of this website that instructs one how to post pictures....

In fact, there are several.

You might be able to use the "search" function to find them...

The best one I saw, was written by board member "Baba Yaga" - her directions were clear, simple and concise, and enabled me to become the photo-posting fiend that board members see today..... 

Zid 

Posting pictures is easy if you are using E explorer or AOL. If you have pictures uploaded to facebook, myspace or sites like photobucket, you just copy the picture and paste it into the reply window. I try to always remember to unlink the pictures with the broken chain link icon above the reply window.

Thanks, I tried to do that Flying High but it didn't work :(

Diana, I answered your PM.

Are you using Explorer to post on JWN?

I'm using a creaky old version of Internet Explorer, so I'm limited as to what I can post - or see....

There's an icon in the second row of buttons above the "post" box. 

It is a tiny icon of a green tree in a photo frame.  That's the "Insert/Edit Image" function.

Click on that,

insert your "link" into the "Image URL" line on the "General" tab,

type in some sort of 'description' below,

check the SIZE of the photo on the "Appearance" tab - must be below 775 px in either direction or one gets those nasty "scroll" bars around your pix - and you can insert the "775" px size in EITHER box, then hit "TAB" on your KEYBOARD and the other number value will be automatically adjusted - or press "shift" while hitting "TAB" if you adjust the SECOND px number and want the 1st px number to automatically adjust....

Then hit the "INSERT" button at the bottom left of the "insert/edit image" screen....

And that should do it...

That's about what Baba Yaga's post had to say, if I remember correctly...

Best results... 

Here's something I learned...

"...that hut on chicken legs was SCARY."....(James)

Thank you James, since I have been having weird dreams of late, know what I'll be dreaming tonight. Patton had dreams of two wheeled carts spinning around his head. Wonder what Baba Yaga's chicken legged cabin will do...hmmmm? 

Highjack over, back to thread subject, roll on folks......